My exams finally ended today, and I have three months until the new session begins. So obviously there’s a lot of time at hand to write, read, and go on a vacation. I have so many things planned, but unlike previous summers, I’ll do them alone. I used to plan fun activities for the whole family but then I’d realize that no one was as excited as I was, and I would forget everything and do what everyone else did. When I declared to my mother how this summer was going to be my best and I couldn’t wait for it to begin, she reminded me how my enthusiasm always wanes when it does come. I was a little hurt over that, but I quickly responded that it won’t happen, since this time I didn’t need anyone’s interest in my plans as they were all for me. Especially reading and writing. I’d rather sit in a corner and converse with words all day long than let boredom get over me.
For the past couple of weeks, I was considering giving up the idea of my 365 Sunsets project, when I noticed that I hadn’t seen the sun set since ages. Our balcony faces the west, from where I gazed at the sky for a few precious moments everyday, and I don’t know how I could be so stupid to realize that that wasn’t south. Before moving to Nagpur 8 years ago, we could see the sun sinking into the horizon everyday, but last year when we returned to New Delhi, there was this three story building adjacent to our house, blocking the view completely. Our house is in such a weird position that one of its doors opens to the East, and the other to the South, and it’s a part of two streets at the same time.
With no South sky to look at, I wondered how I would record 365 departures of the sun. Plus, sometime back, I’d even noticed that most of the days the sky looked the same to me before dusk. Of course, the sounds and smells and touches differed everyday, but I doubted whether there would really be anything interesting to write about for an year.
At other times, I found myself restless to start the project, thinking that those 15-20 minutes would serve as a kind of mediation. I would be alert and completely aware of all that was happening around me. But most of the time, I realized that the project might not turn out as I’d been expecting it to.
However, today I did note down the sunset. We were at the market, and I finally decided to do it anyway, forcing myself to take a few moments and observe. Soon I wanted to go home and write it all down. It felt better when all those words were finally out of me, but they were nowhere close to being good enough to be published here. So I’ve decided that even though I would try to do this project everyday, I would post only those records which I think are worth sharing.I think it’s worthless to waste readers’ time just because my words won’t listen to me.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I’ll spend the day reading all my diaries I’ve kept since 2012 (seven of them so far) to look for interests I’d had, remember experiences I could write about, and lines that might inspire a blog post or a short story. It would be a lot of work reading those hundreds of pages, writing those ideas down and arranging the ones that go along in one place, but it would be fun, and that’s why I don’t mind doing it.
I’d also used an executive diary to record random ideas – you could call it my ‘writer’s notebook’ – and it’s almost full. As my exams neared, I got more bursts of inspiration, and now I have overwhelming number of ideas stored between those pages. Once I’m done with my diaries, I’ll sort them out too. There are plenty of notes in there that just need to be put in proper words, and then I might as well have a dozen posts for the blog ready. Most of them are about my journey as a writer so far, my love for the written word, how I became a bookworm, etc.etc., but I hope that when I will share those stories here, your time would not be wasted.
I’ve also been wondering what Scribblings of A Storyteller actually means. I’d had an idea about making The Storyteller a character or an abstract idea. I want to get clear about what my blog’s title actually means. I’d named it so because I loved the phrase, but after seeing so many posts about how your ‘About’ page is the most important part of your blog, I’ve been worried what I should write about in mine. I hope I figure it out soon.
Also, I’ve decided that since I value a person’s honesty more than anything else, it would be unfair if I’m not honest myself. So from now onwards, every thing that I say here will be out of honesty. It may be hard, but I’m willing to make myself vulnerable. And because I want to do it. I want to be honest. I still might not have discovered the real reason behind it, but I want to speak the truth.