The second week of the new year has been very uneventful for me. Except that on Sunday we went to watch Aamir Khan’s Dangal (which is now the highest grosser in Bollywood) and I laughed and cried all through it, nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Though I’ve maintained my writing streak, I haven’t been much inspired this week. It’s one of those periods when writing feels more like work than fun. I was out of ideas. Or rather, out of ideas that I could immediately write about. I have dozens of stories to write but they’re just not ready – they’re more like vague shapes than something concrete to guide me along. I had to look up to writing prompts for help, but on a bunch of days even those didn’t help so I ended up writing about what was going on inside my mind.
I have been overthinking a lot lately: worrying whether I’ll be able to study for my Psychology test in time, worrying whether I’ll be able to make my next piece worthy of publication, worrying whether I’ll be able to score good on the SAT or not, worrying whether I’ll get into college or not. When I stop and think, I realize some of the problems are ones I have created. We studied in our Psychology class that we tend to make our problems more complex than they actually are. I know I won’t get anything by worrying, but I still worry, and even though most days end up productive (in terms of writing daily and studying), it feels mentally exhausting and all that is left behind is guilt – of not having done enough, of procrastinating. I hate this so much – I trouble my mind with things that are out of my control and these things in turn take a toll over me.
My Psychology teacher, who’s also our school counselor, has told me to keep myself busy so that I don’t have time to overthink or feel distressed when I go through bouts of loneliness. So far, it has worked., but a busy life cannot always be a substitute for lack of loving company. I’ve been reading a lot to distract myself – essays, blog posts, flash fiction – but I’d like to read more. I’d prefer to get off the computer and read books all day long, but school doesn’t allow me to do so. Even though I have around half a dozen unread books, I opened the one I’ve read four-five times already – The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I’ve read it at least once a year every year since I bought it. There’s something personal about the book; I’ll probably write about it next week. It doesn’t really have to do with what I’ve been through, but rather what I’ve never had.
How about you? What was your week like? Tell me in the comments or share the link to your own post; I’d love to know.
A library is a good place to go when you feel unhappy, for there, in a book, you may find encouragement and comfort. A library is a good place to go when you feel bewildered or undecided, for there, in a book, you many have your question answered. – E. B. White